Today, as I opened my Skype window to "check in with my Skype buddies" and see what has been happening over the weekend, I found this message waiting for me.

"Hi Carol, I am from website design and development company based in India. As you arrange public conference so you must interacted with the people of same field. I am looking for business opportunities, can I get references from you."

My response was: I'm sorry I am not able to provide any references for anyone that I have not done work with. You see, I'm a networking coach and I do believe in helping others achieve their goals but before any business is referred to anyone, a relationship must be built. You must get to know, like and trust the person you are referring and you must also be willing to take care of the person you are making that referral to.

One of the reasons why I opened this Skype Room was to give people the opportunity to interact with one another, to learn more about each other, personally and professionally. Learn how the other person does their work, find out what their work ethics are and generally get to know one another.

My network is important to me- I will not jeopardize the relationships I built my referring someone to any of them without knowing (1) if my network contact even needs their service (2) would be willing to talk with a new vendor (3) or is in the position of being able to pay for the services that are being offered. On the other hand, for the vendor that is referred, I want to know that they are ethical, going to do what they say they are going to do, when they say they are going to do it and not be pushy with my network. The only way I can make sure that happens is to take TIME to get to know the people I am referring. Nothing should be rushed; it's not a "nice to meet you and now buy from me" situation. That's no better than running around a networking event just handing out your business cards and saying buy from me. I just won't do that and I won't apologize to anyone for not doing that.

I would be totally out of line to refer a new vendor to anyone in my network just because the new vendor told me they want more business. You know, the whole world wants more business. Networking is a tremendous way to get new business, but you do need to know the proper way to do that. Networking is work- you have to "work" at it - the rewards often are tremendous, but it does take time. Just because you want something, does that mean you are going to get it? Of course not, work at developing those relationships. You may be pleasantly surprised how much you receive by doing this but don't be alarmed at the amount of time you have to spend networking to get these results. It's not instantaneous gratification! A good point to remember is that what is most important to YOU, may be of no importance at all to THEM - the tune you should be listening to is WIIFT (what's in it for THEM) not WIIFY (what's in it for YOU).

"Thanks Carol, I will try my level best to become a member of your network and you will certainly get to know more about me if you look at this website [website link]"

Apparently my message wasn't quite clear enough, because this new person wants to send me to their website to learn more about them. What happens at the website is that I find out about the business, but what does that tell me about the person? People do business with people, not businesses. That's why it is important to make sure people understand you and how you work - how you take care of your clients, what makes you stand out from the competition? Why should I do business with you? How are you going to solve my problem(s)?

"Can I join your public chat?" Yes, you may join my public chat and yes, I would like to get to know more about you. Just remember, it takes time - share some tips, chat with the members of the chat room and get to know them. It's ok to share your website on promo day (read the blue guidelines to find out what days that is permitted) but generally participate in conversations! I welcome anyone to come and join in the conversations in the Skype Room - you can find it very easily at http://www.runlancaster.com/skype-room/networking or you may request to connect with me via Skype and I can manually add you into the room.

Please do yourself a favor and don't ask someone you just meet to refer business to you. Take the time to build the relationship - it will be much better for both of you to know the type of relationship you are part of - knowing that the other person is looking out for your best interest as well as for the referring party's best interest.

"When do I get to talk about me - doesn't the person I'm meeting want to know what I do?" I just read a blog post from Michael Port, who has an audio that tells you better than I can how to do this. Listen here

Carol Deckert, Netweaving Expert

I'd love to hear your thoughts and comments on this topic - please post them in the comments section below!  If you really like this post, and want to Tweet about it, I'd really appreciate that too!
Carol Deckert is a Networking Coach and the Netweaving Expert for Group Coaching Mastery. She's the founder of Referrals Unlimited Network, has more than 8,500 first-level connections in LinkedIn and approximately 1,000 "friends" on FaceBook and more than 4,000 followers on Twitter! Carol knows you do need the numbers before you can accumulate quality connections, because not every connection will be a good one for you. Through her netweaving work, she helps others learn to do what she did, save them lots of time and heartache, by teaching them how to network efficiently and effectively. Contact Carol on Skype: Deckert1116

Today, when I checked my emails, I found a very important message from one of my LinkedIn connections.  I wanted to share her message and my response because I feel there is a very valuable lesson to be learned.

Here is the message I received:

Good afternoon,

Hoping and praying all is well.  As I was sending out messages to my connections to see how they were doing, I received back a message that one of my connections, Jeff Regan had passed away on August 2.  This was a shock to me as I just assumed everyone is alive and well.

Jeff was a really kind man who always sent his connections update messages on what was going on in his life and how he may assist with his business.

I know we network here mainly for business purposes, but take time out to see how your connections are doing personally.

My response, while reminding myself that I need to do a lot more of this was:

We all pride ourselves on our networking abilities, but for some reason, seem to get bogged down in all other business activities, with the mindset that I'll do it later.  Later just keeps getting pushed back further and further and then we don't do it.  Pretty soon, it is lodged so far back in our memory that we just move on to other things.  All of a sudden, it's too late.

The connections you worked so hard to make, the relationships you were beginning to establish, and the ones that were already established could be completely demolished in a heartbeat!  Who wants to be known as a networker who does not have the energy, the compassion, the drive to keep in touch.  Do we only want to contact our network when we need something?  No, and I do mean, NO!

Keeping in touch is so critical to our network.  Not only in having the opportunity to share good things with one another, but in the times when necessary, share some sad information that could prove to be beneficial in the support of the family members when something traumatic happens to one of our connections.  Take the example above, about Jeff Regan.  I feel so bad in the fact that although I didn't know Jeff well at all, if I had kept in touch, I might have known he was not feeling well, been involved in an accident, or whatever it was that caused his death.  I could have sent thoughts, prayers, general condolences to his family members during their time of grief.  I could have shown them I am a thoughtful, kind, compassionate person.  Isn't that what we want our network to think about us? More on Are You Keeping in Touch with YOUR Network?

If your referral network is not working the way you want or expect it to, it's your responsibility to make it work. Perhaps you have not been keeping them up-to-date on the new products/services you are providing?  Do they know all the original products/services you provide?

Does your Referral Network have current business cards, brochures, website information, email information, and your offline contact information?  Do they know you are on Twitter, FaceBook or LinkedIn?  Are they aware that you are involved in any online social networking?  Your referral partners need to be informed so that they may educate those in their networks and refer the perfect prospects for your business.

BUT . . . Referral marketing is a two-way street.  Do you make sure your referral partners know that you are interested in what THEY do, rather than just worry about how interested they are in what you do?  Remember, it's always about What's In It For Them (WIIFT) not What's In It For You (WIIFY).  Do you know if they are involved in online social marketing?  If so, are  you connected to them and sharing your connections with them? How about their products/services - are you keeping up-to-date on what they are doing so that you can appropriately refer them? Are you genuinely interested in their business? Or are you just interested in what they can do for you?  Do you know how to properly refer them? Are you referring them? Are you following up with each other on a regular basis?

It IS your responsibility to inform your referral partners on what a good referral is for you AND to make sure you know what a good referral is for them!  . Responsibility is something people are sometimes reluctant to accept. Actions taken on your behalf by other individuals is YOUR responsibility, so be sure to choose the people that are the right ones to work with.  People who can readily understand what you do and how you do it AND are able to properly communicate to you what they do and how they do it for reciprocal referrals! Demonstrate your competence and integrity, maintain the effectiveness and strength of your referral relationships and make this process work . . . for both of you!

How are YOU training your referral partners?  What are you doing to maintain these relationships?  Without maintenance, everything breaks down - just like your car - without regular maintenance, things stop working.  Do you want that to happen to your referral partners?

Share your thoughts and ideas with us in the comments section - how can I be of help to you?

To  Your Networking Success!

Carol

Carol Deckert - Netweaving Expert

Carol Deckert is a Networking Coach and the Netweaving Expert for Group Mastery. She's the founder of Referrals Unlimited Network, has more than 6,700 first-level connections in LinkedIn and approximately 1,800 “friends” on Facebook and more than 3,000 followers on Twitter! Carol knows you do need the numbers before you can accumulate quality connections, because not every connection will be a good one for you. Through her netweaving work, she helps others learn to do what she did, save them lots of time and heartache, by teaching them how to network efficiently and effectively. Contact Carol on Skype: deckert1116